The high cost of divorce, financially, or emotionally, needs to be considered whenever a marriage is in trouble.
One of the most common reasons for considering a divorce is that an affair has hurt the marriage, but that affair recovery is possible.
Think about it like this: marriage is like a corporation, and taking it apart is as complicated as dismantling a business but with the added problem of intense feelings.
As important as the emotional appraisal of considering a divorce is, the financial one could be just as important.
Is only one partner a wage earner, or does one partner make much more? The financial change might well be devastating.
Maintaining two households is almost always more expensive than keeping one, and when you have kids, it can cost even more.
Not because the commute for the children costs the parents money, but because the process of being shuttled between parents can stress the children.
Many aspects of the high cost of divorce, financially, or emotionally, may not come to the surface until an accurate assessment of many things.
Child custody can be a severe emotional issue, and child support for the parents can be a financial nightmare as well.
Even if you don’t have kids, it can be difficult to divide the property and items acquired as a couple.
Besides practical reasons for needing a particular item, there are also things that one of you might have sentimental attachments to.
You might have to sell your formally shared home to equitably divide it, with not only the high cost of moving but the loss of a place where so many good family memories have occurred.
Money may be the reason for the split in the first place and seeing a financial counselor may be required to settle such issues as dividing debts.
This type of help can even lead to saving the marriage where money is the big issue of dissent.
If an affair is the cause of the split, you might be able to heal the infidelity with some professional help.
You could get it from your clergy(at no expense), family services place that charges on a sliding scale, or a private counselor.
Whomever you choose, make sure they have experience in counseling after an affair. Inexperienced or amateur counsel has hurt many couples.
The affair certainly hurts the betrayed party, but the vows that pledged you both to fidelity also called for you to stick together through both good and bad times.
Start the healing process: take time to understand the whys of the affair, and remember that the cheater is a human being who makes mistakes like all of us.
Don’t forget that along with all of the other losses and costs of a divorce; there is also the loss of the identity of being a couple.
Divorce will change the whole social dynamic with friends and in activities. Even if you both want the divorce, loneliness is universal, and it is far too easy to drift into another relationship too soon impulsively. Remember the good times and put the current problems in perspective.
You might be able to avoid divorce (and its high emotional and financial costs) if you get help to save the relationship.
Even if you get the divorce anyway, the help from experts will probably help ease some of the pains. Be honest about the costs of divorce to yourself and the decision will become much more transparent.